You Know You're a Mom When....

• Someone refers to your babe as 'fat' or 'chunky' and your initial reaction is to pounce on them like a rabid dog but instead smile and say, "We love our healthy baby!".
• You discover your brown nail polish isn't nail polish at all...
• Spit up is your new Chanel #5.
• You let the baby sleep in your bed because you feel you haven't had enough time with him/her that day.
• Your biceps could rival the Hulk. Thank you car seat :)
• Someone calls your child a HE...while the HE sits in a pink car seat, wearing a pink bow, and is sporting a jewel encrusted sippy cup. (Smile and nod)
• You can no longer sit up straight from cradling your sweet one. Hump back worth it!!
• You wonder if the baby food jar of sweet potatoes in the bottom of your purse could suffice for your lunch today...
• Your kitchen looks like you and your husband are manufacturing cocaine...no, that would be formula.
• You could literally write a book on poop and use words like, 'tar', 'seedy' and 'mustard'.
• You're doing the baby's laundry you throw articles of your clothing in so you can smell that fresh Dreft all day at work.
• While at work your heart literally aches to be with your little one.
• You put away any dangling earrings until your child is a teenager. No mother wants a ripped ear hole.
• You cave and get the 'mom cut' for fear of going bald if your child yanks another handful of hair from your head.
• You can change a poopy diaper with one hand and eat a sandwich with the other.
• You no longer look forward to a TV show in the evening but only the moment your head hits the pillow.
• You have to empty the pics from your phone once a month because you have literally captured every moment when your with your child.
• You have no reservations about hopping over the rails of the crib to cuddle your child back to sleep.
• You get agitated when people keep telling you to go out and leave the baby with them. They cannot fathom that you actually want to spend time with your child. Parents who want to invest in their children seem to be a thing of the past. SHAMEFUL. Sorry for the rant.
• You look forward to dinner time because your baby will be trying green beans for the first time.
• Forget bibs...you catch the spit-up/vomit in your hand...like a BOSS!
• Picking your child's boogers is like picking your own, you just do it!
• You're driving down the road and catch yourself singing Barney or Veggie Tales
• The first section you hit up in the store is obviously the baby section!
• You're the most beautiful and precious moment to you is when your husband sings, 'Here we go round the mulberry bush". But he usually forgets the words and it ends up something like, " Here we go round the baseball diamond, first baseman chases the runner." Bless him.
• You are in church and just know without a doubt your baby is screaming for you in the nursery. Thank you leaky breasts for that hint.
• You spend more time picking out your child's clothes than your own.
• You feel like other moms are judging you if your child has a drool stain and a random booger somewhere on their face.
• Your child wears jeans but you pack a pair of sweats in case the child acts like the jeans with the elastic waist get too tight.
• For the life of you, you just can't seem to remember the conversation you had with someone 5 seconds ago...
• Going to buy a new shirt for $30 your brain automatically calculates how many diapers that $30 would buy...then you put it back on the rack. No regrets!
• There are no more pictures with you in it. You do, however, have 249563489756 pics of your child, and 792384574 pics with the baby and baby daddy.
• Every single time you get in the shower you know your little one is screaming for you. Relax.
• You feel bad for saying words like, shut up, butt, and idiot....